I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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