He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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