don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
