Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
