Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
