Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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