Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
