I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
