Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
