he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
God, I missed his penis.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize