Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
