I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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