talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize