I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
