I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
