i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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