is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
