is wine microwaveable?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
