dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
