Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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