Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize