i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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