i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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