Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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