cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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