I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
