Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
