i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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