I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
