what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
