Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
