Are we in a gay sports bar?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
