did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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