yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
