i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
