hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
