she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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