So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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