Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
