Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
