the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize