We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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