all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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