you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
