the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
