It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
