Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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