did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
