I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
