I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
