My nipple is on Facebook.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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