dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
