And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
