i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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