me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
