He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
