U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I need to stop coming to work sober
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
