if only i could text you this smell
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
