I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
