I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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