So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
