i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
