Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it was like eating out sand paper
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
