How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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