I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
