i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
