question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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