that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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