everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize