Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i don't like sucking hair
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
