id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
