ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
