How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
