Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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