so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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