I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
