she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize