Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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