That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
