i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
