then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
