I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
