Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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