I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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