I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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