Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
