All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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