Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
