I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
