we're blogging at a bar
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
