If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
third nipple confirmed
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
