I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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