oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
