i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize