Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
