Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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