New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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