I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize