Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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