And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
