Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
