Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
