why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
