If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
