Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
