If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
