white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why is there bacon in the couch?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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