if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
