i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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